A patient of mine died the other day. Not because of anything we had done, but because the family decided it was time. It's an incredibly hard decision and I don't blame any person for deciding that the suffering was enough.

 

They taught us early in my nursing program that death and dying was a large part of the care process. Nurses are important in the process because they are patient facing. They will provide the Post-Mortem care, get to know the family and more often than not are holding that patient's wishes in their own hands.

 

The ER takes this concept and runs with it. There are patients that come in that are so far removed from others that when the time of death is called, there is nobody there but the nurse to care for them in the end.

 

I expect no pity, no sympathy, this is the job I chose. It bears mentioning though the cost to ones own soul.

 

Before working in healthcare, I used to be scared of going out in public and talking to people. Not agoraphobe levels of fear, but just enough to force me to mind my P's and Q's. I used to think that massive blood loss was terrifying, broken bones were the worst thing you could do to a skeleton. I used to get annoyed with babies crying in public.

 

I need to put this in perspective I used to need. When I started working in the ER, a part of my soul either died, or decided that it wasn't needed anymore.

 

Now, after working in the ER, I'm not scared of going in public to talk to strangers. I've seen worse things happen to better people. I shoot straight, there is very little that I try to sugar coat for the sake of comfort. When I see blood loss, I think of pressure, I think of tourniquets, even FAST exams. I hear a baby crying and I'm not concerned with what's bothering it, I'm reminded that a screaming baby is a breathing baby.

 

There's no urgency, there's only vigilance. There is comfort in stress and boredom in tranquility.

 

I expect no pity, no sympathy, this is the job I chose. It bears mentioning though the cost to ones own soul.

 

I need to put this in terms that others understand. I'm working in the ER, a part of my soul has transformed. It decided I needed something more.

 

I understand now the depth of a person. That nuance is a staple of existence. The original black and white of child hood has melted into a constant scale of textured gray. The immensities of human existence bears noticing.

 

There is a want in each person, a desire to grow closer. When a part of the soul dies and becomes anew, it feels like a second death. Living among a people you can't relate to.

 

It's hard, to understand a person, their quirks, their reactions, before they come to know it themselves. It's comforting to know the routine, yet still it's lost the mystery.

 

I expect no pity, no sympathy, this is the job I chose. It bears mentioning though the cost to ones own soul.

 

I need to put this in terms that I may understand. Don't lose the self that loves people, that wishes to learn more, that continues to look for mystery.

 

I am something new, something greater, something worse. I love the life I live and I would chose no other.

 

There is nuance, and though predictable, no person is the same as others.

 

I expect no pity, no sympathy, this is the job I chose. It bears mentioning though the cost to my soul.

​

 

Hey guys!

 

This is the start of my blog. Every once in a while I want to release a creative update with other updates to projects that are in the works along with my goals. I also look to add a small creative project like the one above that is a reflection of the purpose of the Jaded Imperium Website. My stories are stories of the soul. Reflections of people I have met (Though none are based on real people).

 

So I wanted to start with this first post to reinforce that I am so very appreciate of everyone that comes to the website and signs up for updates. It's beyond amazing that I get to create a share this platform with everyone, even if it's something I have to pay for. I think it's worth it to spread ideas and ideology of acceptance and pain.

 

I hope you all are doing well, and best of luck in your endeavors, see you soon!

 

Absolute Sincerity,

Tristan Cole

 

 

Goals:

Sell 10,000 copies : 11 copies sold

 

Book 2 Project : 11,700 / 60,000 to 100,000 words