I converted a heart rhythm 9 times the other day. This one stuck with me, hard.

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I heard that the patient had lived, had a 100% Left Anterior Descending Artery blockage. He received two stents and was in recovery.

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The part they don't tell you about ACLS (Advanced Cardiac Life Support) is that when a patient's heart starts working again, they often times will wake up.

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This patient woke up after the first two shocks. They were in V Tach at first, a lethal rhythm if not resolved quickly. I was the one on the defibrillator, watching the rhythm change. Shock

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He woke up, I got close to him so he could hear, I asked him his name and where he worked, he responded with both. It was paramount that he stay awake. I think he was relieved that he was still living, who wouldn't be.

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Little did he know how painful that was going to be.

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His heart felt the stress, we gave him epinephrine to keep him perfusing, oxygen going at max. He was coming back, and then he converted. From a relatively normal sinus rhythm to Ventricular Fibrillation.

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"Charging" The defibrillator starts ringing, "Clear" Shock

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His body jerked, screaming in agony, we converted him, successfully, but the pain was unbearable.

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As the doctors scrambled to be able to sedate him for transfer, his blood pressure still hung low, the stress of the shock must have ignited a panic in him, he cried "Oh god please don't do that again."

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He converted, returning to V-fibrillation, "Charging" he looked to me, the look of panic still fresh on his face, "Clear" Shock

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We were playing a dance with death. His heart couldn't bear the lack of oxygen any longer, you could see it on the monitor. "Charging... Clear." Shock

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The damage it was doing, warping his heart rhythm to a longer, sluggish beat. He was feeling it, the radiating pain of electricity with the soreness of his muscles. His heart was quaking, and then he converted again. "Charging... clear." Shock

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The room was filled with his pleas, "Please stop doing that, please stop." His code status was official, we were to revive him. The doctors continued to scramble. The determination of his heart to keep going was coming further evident.

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Among the 7th and 8th shock, his heart converted back and forth, "runs" of V Tach. It was debilitating. This was one of those once in a lifetime stories. Patient is awake during ACLS, its obviously painful, you got them back but they feel everything.

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Then came the saving bell, "Let's give Etomidate, his pressures are good."

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The tension of the moment still rung true, we all watched as he plead for us to stop shocking. It was painful, the notion that he would prefer death over life was painful.

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In all of this, his family watched, his wife and daughter, looking on in horror as they watched their loved one endure the pain of the shocks, knowing there was nothing we could do until we could get his blood pressure higher.

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The sedation spelled the end of his pain, the relaxing sands of insomnia taking over. Behind the defibrillator I remember his eyes, his terrible, fear filled eyes. I saved a man, allowed him to return to the land of the living and continue his story with his wife and daughter. 

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Yet I lived with the mental image, watching the pleading eyes of a man who was pulled from the jaws of death to be revived. An ethical torture, that the pain of rebirth would allow him comforts down the line.

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I awoke the next morning, feeling an emptiness in my chest I hadn't felt before, to know the extent of power I had to revive a person and to inflict great pain on them in the process. It was disgusting, and I will  have to live with that for the rest of my life.

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Hey guys!

 

Recently I had a bit of a writing block. Not in the story itself, but in setting aside the time to truly write. I kept giving myself excuses as to why I wasn't, but then one day I was reading a book and the fancy struck. I was getting antsy (as one does) and opened my laptop. I had the largest writing spree since I was in the drafting phase of my first book.

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It was liberating. I had had a very difficult shift at work and the sadness/stress of the event stuck with me. It really inspired my ability to write a complex sad character, not to spoil it, but it allowed me to touch a side of my emotions that I hadn't experienced in a while.

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I've been moving forward with more marketing for my debut novella. I've contacted a few local bookstores with more to come. I have an excel sheet of 100 bookstores, 10 of which I went to find information on, 5 I messaged. Two responded. 

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Honestly that's a much higher ratio of responses I was expecting, 40%, that's wild. I was rejected by one for now just because they are looking for fantasy romance in their May lineup, totally chill, but they said they would keep me in mind. I will mentally take it as a no, but knowing that someone took the time to responded to my request was amazing.

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The one that said yes requested that I fill out their event form. They don't carry books without events so I opted to do a book signing. Waiting for the approval and the setup of a date.

 

I hope you all are doing well, and best of luck in your endeavors, see you soon!

 

Absolute Sincerity,

Tristan Cole

 

 

Goals:

Sell 10,000 copies : 11 copies sold

 

Book 2 Project : 19,200 / 60,000 to 100,000 words

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